KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
