i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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