Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I puked a lego.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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