Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
