if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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