she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
