my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
