Writing my paper on freud at bar
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Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
