hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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