Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize