we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
