She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
