bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize