why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
