His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
