It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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