Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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