Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
