dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
