get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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