I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
