I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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