Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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