Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
