it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I wish you could order shots online.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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