haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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