He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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