mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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