I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize