Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
