You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
