I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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