I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
