i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
