I got chris browned last night
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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