I think i sorta joined a cult last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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