wrigley field is MILF paradise
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
