I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
