why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
