lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize