Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
