My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
