Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I could fuck to npr.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
