She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
