I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
