i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
