Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
