my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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