So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
