I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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