i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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