idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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