I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
