me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
