Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So much rum. So many feels.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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