am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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