In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
