I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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