I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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