I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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