i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
