Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize