Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Randomize
