I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
