So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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