Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
