he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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