I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize