smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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