fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize