So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
